What Little Fears

What little fears we hold inside
in darkest places yet unknown
where they twist and moan in wretched grief
and spin out anger which rots our bones and skin.
We cannot see them.
They hide behind words
and smiles and upset tummies.
We help them hide -
we choke them back -
we push them down -
we don't want to see.
But a little light shows their true size...
these little fears
that beat
like little hearts
pumping poison where blood should be
until we're blind to look within
until our eyes see only out
until our minds spin lies
and words and smiles and upset tummies...
because we don't want to see
what little fears
control our little, little self.

Spirits, Spirits, Everywhere...

You don't realize it when you are a young witchlet, but one day you wake up and realize: "Dang! There are a lot of spirits around here!" And 'here,' in this case, means your life and your personal space.

Embracing your witch-hood* is kind of like getting married** in that the size of your family suddenly doubles.*** You may start out with just a temporary altar that you put up on special occasions like sabats and esbats. Then you do something more permanent as your spirituality starts to take hold in your life. Before you know it, every free surface in your home is an altar or a shrine of some sort. You've got shrines to gods, altars to the Ancestors, altars to the Fay^; you've got working altars and offering shrines and framed pictures on your walls; you've got incense burning, flowers in vases, bowls of water and liquor, glasses of wine, shiny things and oddball trinkets; altar cloths, power objects, candles candles candles... the list goes on and on.^^

All of this is a result of (and a step towards) having a positive relationship with your spirit allies. Sure, at first it's all about you and what you think is pretty/cool/interesting. But once you start getting to know your allies, they start making requests. "Where's mmmyyyyy altaaar??" they say. "Why'd you put that there??" they ask. "Would you mind bringing me my favorite [blank]?" they suggest.

And of course you do these things for them, because they do things for you. More importantly, because they are your friends and you want to maintain that friendship. And let's not forget that they often have a tendency to keep asking and asking until it gets done; they have a tendency to point things out to you at the store and say "OOO! I like that!!"; and they have a tendency to let you know that they're very happy when you give them what they ask for.

The reason I'm thinking about all of this is that I recently redid all of the altars in my room. Everyone had an opinion about how they should be arranged, who's altar should go where, and what they did and did not want on their altar. I still haven't lived up to all of their requests, but I'm working on it. The last altar to be finished was the Ancestor altar, which I did a few hours ago.^^^ I had a nagging headache beforehand. They said "Um... we'll get rid of that for you. If you finish our altar." Who am I to turn down a great deal like that? It was also their way of letting me know that they were around and ready to inspire me. I started out thinking "Gosh! I have a lot less stuff for an Ancestor altar than I thought I did!" By the time I was finished I was trying to decide what to leave off because there was just too much, thanks to their help.

And what about you? Do you have a million and a half altars and shrines? When your spirit friends ask you for specific things to put on or leave off of their altar, or ask you for specific offerings, do you make those provisions? If not, try it. You'll be surprised.

If you don't have a dedicated space for them, your allies probably don't seem ask you for anything like this at all. Create a space for them first. Build an altar to use while working with your patron deity. Start a shrine where you can leave offerings to the Fay. Make a space for them in your life, and they'll enter it.

Peace,
Jonah

Please feel encouraged to share your stories and experiences on this topic.


* I don't say "Becoming a witch..." because it really seems that it's not a choice. I've never known anyone who decided to 'become a witch' who didn't quickly revert back to whatever they were before. Every witch worth her salt that I've ever met 'stumbled upon' the Craft or was 'called home' to it.

** I've never been married, but I'm imagining that the process of slowly meeting your significant other's family and then suddenly being integrated into it at marriage sort of parallels what I'm talking about here.

*** ...if you're doing it right. Some "witches" don't work with spirits at all (!!!) beyond "The Goddess" and "The God" and "The Elements/Guardians." Considering the rich history of witches making alliances with nature spirits, ancestors, Watchers, angels, and even demons, this seems really silly to me. We can get a great deal of power, knowledge, wisdom, assistance, and fulfillment from the spirit world, and it intrinsic to our nature as witches to do so. If you're not a witch, feel free to disregard this message ;-)

^ Wow, lots of footnotes! The term "Fay" refers to Faeries, which are nature spirits - not necessarily "Tinkerbell" pixies. If I mean to refer to them, I will use the work "pixie." The word "Fey" (not used here) refers to spirits, people, or objects which are Fay-like. These definitions are taken from Orion Foxwood's book The Faery Teachings, and I'll try to stick with them from now on to maintain some semblance of clarity.

^^ Not all of this will apply to everyone, of course.

^^^ Since my family wasn't big on its history and since I've only had one person pass who was really close to me (whom I do not have a suitable picture of, unfortunately), this is sort of a generic Ancestor altar.

Stream of Consciousness Rant

I keep trying to write about things that don't want to be written. And I realize that just because I want it to be time doesn't make it so.

The Work is hard, despite how easy it is. We don't want to wait. We don't want to sit. We just want to be done, we want to be now, we want to be finished, we want to be Jesus and Buddha and Victor and Kuan Yin and Artemis all rolled into one. At least that's what they tell me. I'd rather be me. I'd rather be slow. I'd rather take it easy and get there on time - not hurry and get there too late.

So I wonder about time and about fate and if it's even possible to be early or late. The big names will tell you that you're late when you force it, that if you're early it's just as bad. Magic happens in the moment, and that's The Moment with a capital T. M.

When is that moment? It's now, and forever, and it already came and went. There are a million The Moments and a million different magics that are just waiting to burst forth through them like fireworks - or more like dandelions hit by a gust of wind - and spill out into the world as music and poetry and paint and mud and tears and sex.

I hear the spirits telling me "Work. Work. Work. We need you!" I hear the stillness within me say, "I need you, too. And I'm trying." But the torrent in my heart or the chatter in my brain or the spite rolling off my tongue or the shivers in my bones or the laziness in my ass or something or someone always wants to get in the way. Who is this demon above me, and what is stopping this god?

We get in our own way, just as we all have for all of history. We enter the Work with the best of intentions. When we leave it...?

In order to cast our righteous hex upon the world, we must first be freed of the unholy hex the world has cast upon us. We expect limitations to make us free? We expect impositions to help us grow? We expect conformity to breed creativity and punishment to prompt right action? Fear is the god of this world. May we be freed from its tyranny.